Expectations..

Sitting here at my laptop in my 10 berth cabin. I have been trying to get to a computer to blog for the past hour.. went to the internet cafe, just couldn't write with 20 people sitting within a 6 foot radius of me. Came in to my cabin, found some solace for about 6 minutes before my bunkmate comes in the door and starts chatting me up (by the way, I love my bunkmate, Rachael :)). So here I am, crammed in the back of the cabin, after telling the girls in my room that "i neeed to blog". Space.

It is difficult to find space to write here. But today, I felt compelled to write in my blog and so here I am.

I haven't been blogging much, and finding the space is one of the reasons why, but there is another reason that I want to write about that has held me back from writing a lot here.

Expectations.

Before I left for my adventure here on the Africa Mercy I told myself "Ok, you are not going to have any expectations for what you are going to experience over the next 6 and 1/2 months". And truly, I thought that I had none. People asked me "Are you excited for your trip?" and I would say "yea, but I am also not sure what to expect".. which I though was pretty much true. Friends and family members said things like "your life is going to be changed, you are going to see amazing things that you won't forget"..

Expectations.

It's easy to think that when you start something new, your life will be completely changed. I mean, you think that if you start a new job, move to a new city, go to Africa for half of a year, you can somehow escape what you are struggling with at home. That's not to say that the reason I came to Mercy Ships was to run away from struggles. My intent for being on the Africa Mercy is rooted (I pray) in a desire to serve God with an openness to being changed, but what that looks like here is different from what I maybe subconciously thought.

I definitely don't want to downplay my experience here. I cannot deny that being in Lome, Togo is certainly different from anything else I will ever do in my life. The Togolese people are beautiful, the mission of the Africa Mercy is beautiful, the opportunity to serve through this organization is truly a blessing, and getting to live on a ship in a close (sometimes what feels like too close) community for 6.5 months.. well that's cool.

But I also want to say that, here on the Africa Mercy, life still happens. There are tasks that at times become monotonous, there are things that I have to do in my job that I am not always particularly excited about, I still have to do my own laundry (weird, i know), clean the bathroom, yes, even buy toilet paper. As a hospitality hostess, your job is to serve the people who directly serve the African people, so it's sometimes harder to see the impact that your work has. This is humbling in many ways. I am often working to see God in the small things of my day, some days with what feels like little success, but every once in awhile the sun breaks through and I am reminded of why I am here.

"We can not to great things, we can only do small things with great love"

This is a quote from Mother Teresa that I have liked for a few years now (I saw it on someone's facebook and stole it for my own). I need constant reminder of this, especially while I am here serving in Togo. I know that I will get to do and see things that I wouldn't otherwise get to at home, but I also know that there will be many times when I will be struggling to see the bigger purpose in being here. I want to know what it truly means to serve without expectation, but with a hope of something being done that is bigger than what I can conceive in the moment.

Anyways, I have actually been trying to get this posted for a couple days now (with a lot of interruptions haha). But now my roommates are coercing me to walk to the beach (I actually have yet to walk to the beach nearby because its supposedly really dangerous at night and I haven't had time to go during the day). I plan to post some more specific updates when I get the chance and thank you to those who are following for bearing with my slowness and thanks for reading my honest post.

Off to the beach!

Love,

Caitlin